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Re: Heartbreak
Hi! I feel your emotion through this poem but I think that some parts of it are a little cliché - comparing tears to rain, for example. As Lavvi said, ...
May 1, 2011 -
Re: Senseless
Hello! I think this is a good start and where you put your explanation that the person gets cut off by a bullet could be really good. But if you ...
May 1, 2011 -
Re: Behind Closed Doors and Inside Loud Houses.
Hello! Sorry if I repeat anything that's been previously said, but if I read other people's comments I might not review anything for fear of not saying anything new! I ...
May 1, 2011 -
Re: twistfaint<3
Hi! I love your tone in this piece. It just sounds really good when I read it in my head. You use some really good description an imagery, and... I ...
Apr 5, 2011 -
Re: Never Back Down
Hi there! Firstly, I like the message your poem sends, so that's a plus. And your format is fine, but your first and last lines are a lot longer than ...
Apr 5, 2011 -
Re: Hi My Name Is
This is a pretty original idea - I've never read a poem from the point of view of an emotion before. The first line sounds slightly too casual but I ...
Apr 5, 2011 -
Re: The Screams
I think this is quite well-written. I like the way you rhymed seams and screams at the end; it made it seem very final. It's quite emotional without being over ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: headstart
Hey there! I like this and I think your rhyming in particular is very good. I think it would be easier to read though if it was split into stanzas, ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Respectfully Moving On
Hey! I really like the tone to this, it's very emotional and well-written. Two nit-picks though, I think you don't need any commas at all in this line: "It was, ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Someday
This is very bittersweet and emotional, and very well written. If I were your boyfriend I'd love to be given it! I'm sure he'll be able to relate to it, ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Bed, Pure
I really like this, and I think the best bit is how it ended. I think comparing the innocence of virginity to pure white snow is a little bit cliché, ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Recoil
Hey! This is pretty descriptive, you used both description and emotion pretty well with this piece. However you say cracked lips a couple of times and I think you only ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: An Ode to Google
Hello! A light-hearted and fun poem, here. I'm unsure of the rhyming of need and fee though, and I have visions of a student doing their homework and scrubbing their ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Turmoil
Hey! I like the simplicity of this poem. One thing I noticed was that it is all in past tense and then you say: "Your eyes are pools of light, ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Technicalities
I thought this was pretty creative, and I enjoyed it, being the computer geek that I am! Though I'm not sure that using so much computery metaphor stuff makes the ...
Jan 30, 2011
